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What is the shadow self? Do your thoughts lurk in dark rooms of your mind? When you look at your shadow, do you ever wonder who this person truly is?
Accepting your shadow self can be a little unsettling, but worth understanding, and most importantly, its existence is a part of your wonderful self.
Realizing, that if we let the shadow in, we can accept all of who we are, and not pick and choose what pieces of ourselves we want to show to the world.
The shadow will always reveal itself if not tamed and stays untrained. So, why don’t you be your shadows guide and be friends with your shadow side.
What is the Shadow Self?
Coined by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the shadow self represents the aspects of our personality that we repress, deny, or deem unacceptable. It’s the repository of our unconscious desires, fears, and impulses, often deemed unworthy or shameful by societal standards.
This is where we are taught within our own limiting belief system to repress those feelings to feel guilt or shame because we have those thoughts and feelings, and this is simply not true.
In this truth, they are a part of us, and we need to understand, respect, and accept that those feelings are a part of our DNA and a part of our personality. It’s truly the uniqueness of our human spirit.
Understanding the shadow self is crucial for personal growth and self-acceptance. By acknowledging and integrating these hidden aspects, we can achieve a more holistic sense of self. But how do we go about this journey of acceptance?
Recognition
The first step is acknowledging the existence of your shadow self. It’s not about dwelling on negativity but rather shining a light on the parts of yourself you tend to ignore or suppress.
Reflect on moments when you’ve acted in ways contradictory to your conscious values. These instances often point towards aspects of your shadow.
Your shadow will always be with you, is one realization you must face for your mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. Otherwise, you may find yourself swimming in the deepest parts of the ocean without life support, full of anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame, for absolutely, no reason, you beautiful, tortured soul.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate. – Carl Jung
Example of Shadow Self in Action
Here is an example of a shadow self-experience:
Imagine you’re in a meeting, discussing ideas with your colleagues. As the discussion progresses, you notice a familiar voice inside your head, the shadow self-beginning to assert itself.
Shadow Self: “Why aren’t they listening to your ideas? You have great insights to offer!”
You feel a surge of frustration and impatience as you struggle to interject.
Shadow Self: “Come on, speak up! If you don’t, someone else will take credit for your ideas.”
Your heart races as you muster the courage to interrupt, but before you can speak, another colleague jumps in with a similar suggestion.
Shadow Self: “See? This always happens. They never acknowledge your contributions.”
Feeling defeated, you retreat into silence, your thoughts clouded by self-doubt and resentment.
In this scenario, the shadow self-manifests as the inner critic, undermining confidence and amplifying feelings of inadequacy. Recognizing and addressing these intrusive thoughts is essential for reclaiming control of the conversation and fostering self-empowerment.
Exploration
Once you recognize the presence of your shadow self, delve deeper into its origins and manifestations. Continuously ask yourself, “why”. It doesn’t matter the circumstances, keep asking why.
I don’t know about you, but I see the work of the shadow all over social media. The shadow speaks with its ego, our lighter selves, speak with humility.
Yes, the shadow self can be ugly and nasty. But it can also be fearful, shy, paranoid, and self-sabotaging. Our shadow self can destroy any progress we make in our lives and stop us from doing the one thing we want to do in life. Sadly, it can bring us to our knees in regret.
Exploration allows us to recapture moments in our lives where the shadow took over. The shadow can walk alone, or it can be met with a friendly face of reason, logic, regulation, and acceptance.
The more you talk with your shadow, the less it becomes a separate part of you. Own your own story of who you are.
Ask yourself this: What childhood experiences or societal conditioning contributes to my shadow side? Journaling, therapy, or introspective practices like meditation can aid in this exploration process.
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. – Carl Jung
Acceptance
It may take a lifetime to accept your shadow. But remember there is only one of you. Blending the greatness and the imperfections you have, makes you who you are today and next day, and the next.
Some people don’t get the opportunity to fully understand and accept themselves, they don’t allow themselves to. But I encourage you to embrace your shadow.
Talk with yourself about your fears, your desires, and everything that makes the shadow want to take over your life. It’s not your enemy. Contrary actually, your shadow can be a learning tool to help you rise to your full potential.
Remember this: Embracing your shadow self doesn’t mean condoning harmful behaviors or negative traits.
Instead, it involves acknowledging these aspects with compassion and understanding. Remember, every trait, whether perceived as positive or negative, serves a purpose in shaping who you are.
All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow. – Leo Tolstoy
Example of Accepting the Shadow
- Embracing Vulnerability: Society often equates vulnerability with weakness. However, acknowledging and expressing vulnerability can foster deeper connections and emotional authenticity.
- Recognizing Imperfections: We all have flaws and accepting them doesn’t diminish our worth. Embracing imperfection allows for growth and self-compassion.
- Facing Fears: Confronting our deepest fears can be daunting, but it’s essential for personal development. By acknowledging and accepting our fears, we reclaim our power and courageously move forward.
Listen when I decided to start writing, I was scared to death. I thought who wants to hear what I had to say? How can I help and encourage others? I’m not an expert on personal and professional growth.
But I had life experience that I could share with others, and writing and encouraging others is what I enjoy most.
See, my shadow was talking, and telling me, you can’t do this, you think about it, but you don’t do it. It was filling me with self-doubt, I had listened to it my entire life. But I took control, scared and all, and if you’re reading this, I won over my shadow.
Sure, I still have doubts, but I work through them, and take baby steps.
There is not one therapist, motivational speaker, pill, or thought you have that can MAKE you CHANGE, unless you want to.
Even when you’re listening to your favorite audible self-help books, go to therapy, or listen to motivational speakers, if your shadow is leading the way, you won’t progress.
Meeting your shadow head on, is progress.
Take the reins over your life, and gradually learn to accept you, for you. Don’t cringe up when you feel envious over someone, it’s normal. If you want what others have, make a plan and go after it.
I know, it’s so much easier said than done. Why do you think people like Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins, and many others keep trying to help you, because they have been there. We all have, you’re not alone, at all.
But there is much more work to be done in this area. We have to call it out for what it is…. a place that houses our “not so nice” thoughts and desires.
Working WITH and not working ON your shadow self is where you want to end up.
Learn to be aware of it when it’s talking to you, if you have a logical conversation with your shadow, it will walk away.
Learn to walk side by side with your shadow, nurture it like the little untamed child it is.
Final Thoughts and Words of Encouragement
Embracing your shadow self is a transformative journey towards self-acceptance and wholeness.
By shining a light on the darkest corners of our minds, we pave the way for profound healing and growth in our lives.
Remember, you are not defined by your shadows but by how you choose to integrate them into your life.
We’ll chat soon,
