A few years back texting with a friend of mine, life was a bit off for me. I had lost my mom to lung cancer, and still grieving. But I would still put an exclamation point, behind each text I sent to anyone. I was masking my inner drama and emotion.
My friend had no idea anything was really upsetting me. I was masking my pain with an exclamation point.
I did this a lot, not wanting to bother people with my pain, I held it all in.
After my friend and I got a chance to meet and chat I said, “you can put an exclamation point behind anything, especially in a text”.
After having that discussion, my friend began to pay closer attention to the words and punctuation in all my texts. and during conversations began to ask better questions and watched if I showed signs of withdrawing and any disinterested traits in all my communications.
life doesn’t come with a trajectory map, and you don’t have a fairy godmother for guidance. But there are plenty of resources available to you throughout your life. If we are honest with ourselves, we already know that we contribute to most outcomes in our lives.
Nevertheless, we do become stuck and in this we must make way for transformation.
Seeing only darkness in a lighted room, out of my own thoughts I found freedom and some peace.
Your Worldly Wisdom
How exactly do you see the world and how are you fitting in? How are you contributing?
If work is going great, but there’s drama and pain at home, I would say life is a bit off balance.
If you are jobless, but happy some of us are going to need your wisdom, we could learn from you.
These two examples could be polarizing to most, especially if we’re out of work. Most of us, place a huge amount of wealth in the knowledge of and in our own “work identity”.
And losing it would be catastrophic to most I know. So, I will ask again, what is your worldly wisdom.
For, me it’s my support system, and to acknowledge my feelings as they come, and not to invite unwanted negativity to overwhelm my life.
This worldly wisdom is still a journey I take every day, but I am worth it and so are you.
Expectations
It’s really a comfort sometimes in knowing I can lower my expectations; it takes the pressure off. Do you sometimes expect too much from yourself and others, only to be left with disappointment and hurt feelings that things didn’t turn out like you expected. Unrealistic expectations can put a strain on you and others whether in your professional or personal life.
Unrealistic expectations are rigid, and they leave no room for flexibility. Be gentle with yourself and others, have compassion and work very hard to stay in the present moment of each situation and be a realist in those moments.
I have learned having no expectations at all, can be more exciting because it allows you to just go with the flow of what is natural and let’s things happen as they are meant to.
If your expectations lately have been unrealistic, come back down to earth and see things for what they truly are, you’ll feel better about your decisions.
Be Honest with Yourself
It doesn’t matter if you are 15 or 55, there comes a time in our lives when we have to start being honest with ourselves and make the changes, we need to make to better our lives.
I remember when I lost my mom, 4 years of waking up every morning with the same feeling of loss. It wasn’t until she came to me in a dream, that called me to action and transformed my life really.
What are you not telling yourself? I bet you can come up with a slew of negativity, but are you just succumbing to your own limitations?
Baby steps here, it can sting a little, but I can tell you and I don’t even know you that you are worth putting in the work. Start asking the hard questions about yourself and take action towards who you were really meant to become. Buy a journal or start writing down in the old journal you put down.
In Appreciation comes Values
I’m not going to ask you what your core values are, because they change a little with each season due to life experiences. But I will ask you what you appreciate, and it’s in the appreciation of something, is where you will find what you value. For example, I appreciate a deep and meaningful conversation with someone. I am someone who values communication in all forms. I would encourage you to make a list of what you appreciate, and you just might find your dealbreakers there too.
Perfectionism
Along with unrealistic expectations, comes perfectionism. Both are ghastly to the human psyche. Both have potential to lead to both anxiety and depression. Perfectionism as I have experienced and will explain in my own words, nothing is the absolute best. Trying and trying and trying to the best of my ability and to the point of exhaustion, not being able to accept a particular outcome.
But there is hope, knowing that you have done your very best and not having those unrealistic expectations, will set things up for a better realistic view. Most things don’t have to be made perfect, but created in a way that is pleasing to the collective.
Acceptance
Personally, this one has been so hard for me. I am a recovering perfectionist with occasional unrealistic expectations. and my worldly wisdom can get a bit skewed at times. But I try. You must also.
Acceptance in knowing that things may or may not turn out the way you planned but surprised at the real outcome.
Accepting you didn’t get the job you wanted and didn’t get upset about it. You kept your optimistic outlook and turned it into an unforeseen opportunity.
There are many examples, but what I am really trying to say, is when you accept yourself it’s so much easier to accept others and there comes an inner peace of knowing that it’s all going to be ok.
Resources
My hopes are if you found this post, I want you to start the true transformation of who you are meant to be. It can be exciting and frightening to learn we are not as “perfect” as we think we are and furthermore, we really don’t want to be. This I can share with you from experience, is a heavy load off your shoulders.
You have within you the power of transformation. It won’t matter how you get to the party, just make sure you arrive. Be well, and good luck on finding the real YOU.
- Perfectionism and Depression
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Being Honest with Yourself
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
We’ll chat soon,
