How to Communicate Better with an Enneagram 4, “The Individualist”? First, did you know finding purpose and meaning in life is the foundation of an Enneagram Four? And what about their creativity, and originality, pretty interesting people don’t you think?
You see, as an Enneagram 4, communication is important. Therefore, I am going to share some personal tips that I have experienced in my own life, that over time has made communication with others more effective and meaningful.
Life as an Enneagram 4
Navigating through my own personality of being an Enneagram Four, self-expression and authenticity are priority.
Fours live to be original. It doesn’t matter what it is, I’m going to put my own creativity to it, and maximize the opportunity to make it better. In our wanting to be original, there creates the need to be perfect, when sometimes just being is enough.
- To hear us
- To understand us
Being at the bottom of the Enneagram, with confidence I can say fours use up a lot of energy just trying to be the individualists, and we recharge our energy field often, your ability to recognize this in us, will go a long way.
Are Enneagram Four’s complex? I would say yes, but at the same time, we are simple creatures wanting to make our mark on the world.
We are extroverted introverts; this makes us interesting and intriguing, depending on the situation.
“I wish they would only take me as I am.” – Vincent Van Gogh
We communicate well with ourselves, we actually like talking to ourselves, working out our problems on our own and creating in our head and you can count on us to be your emotional blanket in time of need.
Intuitively speaking, we can read a room’s aura before we enter. And we probably know what you’re likely to say next. We have great intuition.
Communicating with a four can be a sensitive train ride, if not approached correctly. The key word here is approach.
Fours always look for purpose and meaning.
Communicating on a deeper and a more detailed level with a four is the right way to communicate. Let me show you.
The wrong way to communicate with Enneagram Four
Let’s say your Enneagram 4 friend has shared something creative with you, something that’s just gorgeous to them.
You say, “ick, that’s awful” or you say, “that’s just plain ugly.” To a four you have insulted their creativity and perceived them as flawed? Not to mention, overly critical, dismissive, and insensitive.
You may say to yourself, “this is ridiculous, trust me, I know. But to a four, the negativity crushed them.
The right way to communicate with an Enneagram Four
In the same scenario, your Enneagram 4 Friend again shares with you something creative and beautiful.
You say, “Oh that is beautiful, I love how the colors shine in the painting and the texture has depth.”
Well, to a four you just expressed acknowledgment of their choice in creativity, we love that! You gave detail as to why the painting is beautiful. We love that too!
To a four, in this scenario we were heard, understood, and acknowledged. Purpose and meaning were fulfilled.
Best tips to communicate with an Enneagram 4
When you remember that fours are all about emotions, conversational depth, creativity, individuality of self-expression, and knowledge of what and why, then communication becomes much more meaningful, and you may learn something too! Here are best five tips I can give you, from my own personal experience when communicating with an Enneagram 4.
List of communication tips
- Acknowledge and Celebrate our Uniqueness:
- We value our individuality. Acknowledge and celebrate our unique qualities, ideas, and perspectives. Share your genuine appreciation for what sets us apart, fostering a sense of validation.
- Encourage Emotional Expression:
- We are emotional people, create a space where emotions are welcome and encouraged. We often have rich emotional lives, and give our energy away to help others, so validate our feelings and express empathy. Allow us to express our emotions openly without fear of judgment.
- Provide Constructive and Thoughtful Feedback:
- When offering feedback, focus on a balance between positive reinforcement and constructive criticism. Remember: We are emotional beings. Emphasize specific aspects you appreciate, and frame improvements in a positive light of growth, not seen as a flaw.
- Engage in Meaningful Conversations:
- We don’t want to talk about the weather, unless you’re going to teach us something! We appreciate depth and meaning in every conversation. Conversations are an investment and connection to us. We want to engage in discussions that explore personal insights, aspirations, and the emotional details of various topics. This helps us to build a connection based on shared values and interests. You remember… they what and the why….
- Support our Creative Ventures:
- It doesn’t matter if they are out of reach to you, if we are involved in any creative pursuit, be it writing, art, or music, actively support their endeavors, support us. Recognize and value our creative expressions and encourage us to explore and share our imaginative side. This gives us energy! So please support our creative passions.
Final thoughts and words of encouragement
Those who are an Enneagram 4 are intriguing and interesting people, we strive for originality, and dare to be different. We are always searching for the meaning and purpose of life and purpose and meaning within ourselves.
We are the actors such as Johnny Deep and Nicole Kidman, we are the writers such as J.K. Rowling and Emily Dickinson. Among the philosophers of Albert Camus and Fyodor Dostoyevsky. We’re in harmony with song and music with John Coltrane, Saxophonist and Michal Jackson, American Singer, and Songwriter.
Fours are always on a journey of self-discovery, even after we have found ourselves, we know there is still more to learn.
What about you? Want to dive into learning more about your Enneagram?
We’ll chat soon,
