I can probably say that this is going to be one of my favorite blog posts of all time. Making the RIGHT choice for yourself is hard sometimes no doubt, but over the years I have learned these 7 effective ways, that have helped me in the latter part of my life. And honestly, I have just learned them in the last 5 years.
I don’t know about you, but I always put others and their opinions of me first in any decision I have made, up until 2019, when my mother died. I was always looking for other people’s opinions about my career, my marriage, how I should behave in a certain situation, always being the first to say I’m sorry, even when I didn’t do anything wrong (although blamed for it?) Can you relate at all to what I’m saying?
I’m going to brutally honest here, growing up in a home with extremely strict parents, in a home where children are seen and not heard (and oh I tried so hard to be heard), rigid limiting beliefs, always being told what to do, and not allowing me to make my own decisions, and outright favoritism (mainly because I demanded it) that was hard! I worked rebelliously every day to be heard, only because I felt I wasn’t being understood.
Can you relate? At all to what I’m saying.
In no way do I want to disrespect my parents, they did the best they could with the knowledge they had during those growing up years and beyond, really; they too were busy trying to put food on the table and keep shelter over our heads. My parents had very strong work ethics, and a strong sense of personal responsibility, instilled in me today.
But there comes a time, when you have to have a “radical acceptance” conversation with yourself and start making choices that are right for you.
Personal Examples
So many times, the choices I have made over the years have been for others, and not for me.
In my truth, here are some hard lessons:
- Staying home after high school graduation, instead of going to NYC. Dad said no, it wasn’t safe.
- Marrying when I should have waited a while, told my mother at the church “I would give back all the gifts, I couldn’t do this.” She said, “the church is full, you’ll be alright, you’re just nervous.”
- Staying way too long at many dead-end jobs, increasing my stress and anxiety
- Staying in a 10-year relationship because I didn’t want to be alone or hurt his feelings.
- Not having alone time with my mother before she passed. I was too afraid to upset anyone by asking them to leave.
I think you get the picture; I’ll stop there. I’ve had a lot of time to look back and try to move forward in correcting how I make decisions.
The best one is my son, Daniel. A treasure and a joy. So, I have made some great decisions!
Sharing with you these effective tools which I have learned the hard way only after the death of my mother, who by the way, was the most selfless person I knew, and she loved me in her own way, and I knew that. I hope you find encouragement in these tools.
1: Pause and Reflect
Take a minute or two or three, take as long as you need to make a decision. This affects you and ask yourself, “can I accept the outcome of this decision?” Let the opportunity sink into your brain, before you make any commitments. Ask, “how is this going to affect my long-term plan or even your short-term plans?” Yes, you decision and choices may affect others, but it’s your well-being that’s being challenged with any simple or hard decision you make. After the decision is made, take at least 24 hrs. to reflect. Then… take action. Always WAIT don’t act in HAST.
2: Hunt & Gather Your Information
Make informed choices by collecting relevant information and hunt for what you need. Whether it’s researching potential career paths, understanding the implications of a lifestyle change, or exploring new opportunities, having a solid foundation of knowledge empowers you to make decisions with confidence. Have a plan, a well-informed plan of your next move. It’s ok to take the time needed.
3: Consider the Consequences
Think about the potential consequences of your choices. Yes, like I said, others may be affected by your decisions, but it’s about you. This includes not only short-term outcomes but also the ripple effects in the long run. Assess how your decisions align with your values and if they contribute positively to your overall life path and goals. Sometimes, you just have to cut the cord on things and people, to move more fluid in your life. Things don’t always have to be complicated; we make them that way.
4: Check in with your emotions (ALWAYS)
Don’t make rash emotional decisions, let me tell you, they will haunt you in the long run. Everything in context, if you have to remove people out of the situation and focus on context do it. If you still come to the same conclusion, then there is your answer. Manage your emotions. at the same time, Trust your instincts while being mindful of any impulsive reactions. Be your authentic self, learn a decision mindfulness pattern, designed just for you. It’s ok t step away… and remember, not making a decision, is still making a decision. Trust your gut.
5. Practice Gratitude
Although my decision-making picker was off for quite a long time, I am grateful for all the mistakes I’ve made. They have made me a stronger person and more resilient than I ever thought I would be. I have sustained and lived through what I consider some of life’s most common miseries and come out more hopeful and optimistic that has even surprised me. Cultivate gratitude for the options available to you. This mindset shift can help you approach decisions with a positive and open perspective. Acknowledge the abundance of choices in your life, recognizing that each decision is an opportunity for growth. You always have a choice, be present and mindful in the action you take.
6: Embrace Flexibility
Understand that not all decisions will have a clear-cut answer. Be open to adapting and adjusting your course based on new information or changing circumstances. Flexibility is a key aspect of mindful decision-making. For 4 years my mother’s cremains were with me, and I grieved her every day, I could not move forward in my life, knowing that my mother was in a jar sitting on my fireplace mantel. So, in March of 2023 I buried her cremains, and it was the best decision I felt I had every made and one, she would have been at peace with as well. I knew my mother was now safe and I could go visit her anytime, as I did my entire life up until she passed. My soul opened up when made this decision. So be flexible, look at the choice from a 380-degree angle, and leave no stone unturned.
7: Seek wisdom from others you respect and trust
Don’t hesitate to seek advice or perspectives from trusted friends, family, or mentors. Their insights can provide valuable perspectives that you might not have considered and contribute to a more well-rounded decision-making process. Don’t trust your decision-making process to people who don’t deserve to hear what you’re going through. You are going to come to the realization yourself whether you know the decision you want you make ahead of time. Sometimes we are just looking for validation, and from experience don’t read into what is not there. Make the right decision for you, no matter what people may say or may think.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
As I pen down these final thoughts on mindful decision-making, I can’t help but reflect on my own journey of choices I’ve shared with you – the highs, the lows, and the pivotal moments that have defined my path. I wasn’t always on a path that made be happy, but I am now. And I encourage the same for you.
Life, in all its unpredictability, often places us at crossroads, demanding decisions that carry weight and consequence. It’s in these moments that the art of mindful decision-making becomes profoundly personal. Each choice is a brushstroke on the canvas of our existence, creating a unique masterpiece that reflects our values, dreams, and resilience. After all you are the author of everything you do.
I’ve learned that embracing mindfulness in decisions involves more than just a momentary pause. It’s about listening to the whispers of your heart, acknowledging the fears and hopes that dance and burn within. It’s finding the courage to sift through the noise, seeking clarity amidst the chaos.
In my own journey, I’ve found solace in the wisdom of reflection, the power of gratitude, and the strength derived from both successes and failures. Every decision, whether seemingly insignificant or monumental, has left an indelible mark on my life.
So, as you navigate your own choices, remember that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to wrestle with uncertainty, and to celebrate the victories, no matter how small. Life is a continuous series of decisions, and each one is a testament to your resilience and capacity for growth.
May your choices be guided by authenticity, driven by passion, and grounded in self-love. Embrace the beautiful messiness of your unique journey, for it is in the ebb and flow of decisions that the true essence of life unfolds. Always be moving forward, learn from your past, peer back when you need to, but don’t stay there. Drive on…
We’ll talk chat soon,
