Loneliness is a feeling we all experience during certain intervals in our lives. But only you will know when it creeps in on you. What are the uncommon signs of loneliness?
My experience describes loneliness as the feelings between distance and disconnection. The feeling of a desperate need that’s not being met. The uncommon sign of loneliness is felt in the subtleties of everyday people going about their everyday lives among the collective.
One of my favorite songs is Eleanor Rigsby, written by Paul McCartney and John Lennon in 1966, a Beatles favorite among many.
A song which tells the story of a lonely and depressed woman who lives a lonely life and dies alone. The music has an eerie dark sound of desperation. And leaves us asking the questions in our own desperation…
All the lonely people (ah, look at all the lonely people) Where do they all come from? All the lonely people (ah, look at all the lonely people) Where do they all belong?
Where do all the Lonely People come from?
As I have experienced lonely people come from many different psyches. As an example, a people pleaser who continues to try, but no one appreciates them. Another example a good husband and father, who neglects his own needs. Another, an ambitious and famous person who is surrounded by people every day, who they cannot trust. And my favorite, the one who always makes us laugh, but is crying on the inside.
Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.
— Rupi Kaur
I do believe that when we are lonely, we are in need of ourselves. A time of introspection and to ask the questions, “what do I need” and “how do I get it”? I also believe that when we constantly let ourselves down, we can become lonely. It’s like what’s the use in trying, the outcome is going to be another disappointment.
According to The Roots of the Loneliness Project common signs are being disinterested, loss of purpose, lacking motivation, and having low self-worth are just a few.
But where do all the lonely people come from? From my own experience, they are people who have told themselves they can’t so many times and they believe nothing is ever going to turn in their favor. In turn, they actually do just that, turn inward into isolation.
Trauma of any kind can bring on loneliness, and happy occasions for others can as well, if a person sees this event as hopeless for themselves.
Did you know also that loneliness changes the actual structure and processes of the brain? Reported by The Roots of the Loneliness Project (a great website of resources).
Uncommon Signs of Loneliness
We all know the most common signs of loneliness in ourselves and in others. But what are some of the uncommon signs, mentioned in Everday Health website.
- Shopping out of boredom
- Excessive talking
- Mindlessly looking at social media for hours
- Loss of appetite
- Increase in appetite
- Paranoia
- Social awkwardness
These are only a few uncommon signs of loneliness to watch out for, but definitely worth mentioning. #2 is my favorite, my family and friends can spot it, because I say it with humor, but I’m serious.
Where do all the Lonely People Belong?
We belong to each other and to ourselves. There are many, many reasons why someone gets lonely, and I can’t pretend to know every reason. Whether it’s aging, being single, failing a test, having no friends, getting divorced, marrying when you know you shouldn’t, lose a job, work a job you hate, your spouse left you, you forgot to pick up dinner. These are all reasons to get lonely for only reasons you know.
But these are not reasons to stay in this mindset. I can tell you I love you, you are the best, you are special, ask if I can help, give you a hug, cry with you, laugh with you, and pray for you.
But YOU are the only one who can begin to help yourself. By taking the incremental steps of getting out of your head.
Reframe-Rephrase-Reprogram how you look at yourself in the mirror and how you speak to yourself. This is a beginning. Second, you can ask for help. If you can’t speak it, write it. There will be someone to listen. Phone or text a friend, if you don’t have any… go out and find one. Make the moves. You are so worth it.
Personally, I have experienced loneliness more in the last 4 years than I have in my entire life. But I have experienced the personal growth only a person who does the work could imagine. And trust me, none of it has been easy. Again, I will say you are worth it.
Thoughts to Ponder
We were all born alone into this world, it’s our legacy to ourselves not to leave this world alone.
Loneliness is the poverty of the self; solitude is the richness of the self.
— May Sarton
Find strength in solitude and enjoy yourself. In your loneliness I hope you gain personal growth. I hope you find what makes you as special as a sunrise and a sunset. The world needs you, show up. We belong to each other. Let’s help each other recognize the uncommon signs of loneliness to make the world a better place.
We’ll chat soon,
